I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
