this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just cropdusted the office
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
