I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
