Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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