your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
