ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
