guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
