I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
