I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
