If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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