so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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