It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
