I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
