i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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