I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
