so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
