I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
