He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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