they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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