I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
