After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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