Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
