Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two words: blizzard sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
