I think I won the penis lottery.
the condom got lost in my hair
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
