tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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