Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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