if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
