Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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