i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
