I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you didnt know i had herpes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You are the jesus of drinking
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
