I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You can't special order awesome
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
