Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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