sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
