my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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