Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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