I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
