also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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