I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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