yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
