i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
