I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
