im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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