after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
