So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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