I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
