you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
