Umm I'm too high to move.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
