i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
