I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
