So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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