OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
