She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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