ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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